any good jokes?

Rodolfo Merel: Sounds like me!

Helen Zafar: of direction you're able to be able to make somebody such as you... i'm able to besides... make it look that ya'll are suited mutually... actually... like a similar issues he's into. if he likes fishing... ask him to take you fishing and flirt flirt flirt... in step with probability you're able to desire to enable him be attentive to which you particularly choose to be greater advantageous than acquaintances... supply him "the look" i desire you be attentive to what i'm conversing approximately... get tickets to his fav. activities group game... or fav. singers stay overall performance... while ya'll are sitting close placed your hand in between ya'll and notice if he holds it... sometime he additionally will if that's meant to be... because of the fact... my fav. quote..."what's meant to be will continually come across a manner"

Hal Rouse: OK, some people have beat me to it already, but this one is tooooooo easy ---! it's a baby. :)

Frederic Engellant: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.A little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.The teacher asked, ” What if Jonah went to hell?”The little girl replied, “Then you ask him”.Go to funny.com for more. :)...Show more

Burt Stoecklin: 3 prisets walk into a curch and god ays you can do1 bad thing 4 1 day and aslong as they came back for forgivness, they would be spared. the 1st prist says "lord, i stole some old ldys car." god said "you are forgiven. go dip youself in holy water. the 2ed prist comes in and says "lord, i robed a bank." god said ok ! you are forgiven. go dip yourself in holy water. ! the 3rd prist walks in and says "lord, i peed in the holy water."...Show more

Madge Voice: A Baby.

Carlee Tangaro: a baby? :)

Kris Otuafi: a baby

Heidi Creselious: The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now..... I guess." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy?? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!....."An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off! . After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****." An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big a$$...she goes...why you.....and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room...fixes him self up....combs/fixes his hair.....straightens out his glasses...puts! his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He s! ays to her....boy u got small boobs.....she says do i really...hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off....take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs...she says omg...do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it...it worked on your big a$$ didnt it...A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents. They sit down andhave a conversation.The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. Icome once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. Icome again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.""You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady.” In this country . . . we don't speak dirty in public places about our sex lives. . . ""Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?," said the man. "Who talkin' aboutasex! ?I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend"wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?" His friend says"Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set."...Show more

Coleen Carignan: you mean if he took a bullet for me? I don`t quite get it, but if that is what you meant, than i would definitely feel guilty.

Ismael Sixon: What did the ! boy piece of paper say tot he girl piece of paper?Hey baby, wanna go ba! ck to my pad?

Hilton Paiva: a man sees a blond on a plane and thinks he can make a few extra bucks. So he walks over to her and says: " excuse me miss, would you like to play a game?"Blonde: "sure"Man:"I'll ask you a question and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five bucks, then you'll ask me q question and if i don't know the answer, i'll pay you fifty."Blond: "ok"Man:" Alright, I'll go first....what's the capital of Michigan?"Blonde: "i don't know, heres five bucks....my turn.....what's purple and orange, only found in the winter time, and weighs five pounds?"Man: " I don't know, here's fifty bucks, now what's the answer?"Blonde: "i don't know, here's five."...Show more

Shandi Wedge: A blonde walks into a barber shop listening to her mp3. The barber tells her to take off her headphones. She said no no and no. The barber got mad and took it off for her. Immediately she turned blue and died. The CD was saying inhale exhale inhale exhale!! LOL

Tosh! iko Reimers: Here are Some: couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"Here is another i heard 3 years ago, i cant beleive i remember it!PATIENT: ''Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum.'' DOCTOR: ''I've got some cream for that.'' Heres another one when i was in 5th grade:''A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. 'He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bow! s down in prayer. His friend says, "'Wow that is the most thoughtful an! d touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.' 'The friend replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.''' LOL Sorry im still laughing xDOne of the most funniest i have heard now, in 6th grade!Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!' The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!' The other weasel says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'' AHAHAHAHAHA!!...Show more

Rebbecca Sorkin: a friend of mine did die. thnx for that lovely question. and yes i would of took her place in the car wreck that killed her.

Angel Klym: I know some. 1. What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella2.Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead!!!Those crack me up!!!

Shawn Lelis: How do you drowned a blonde?You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool!

Elmo Tervo! : We are in a war (life) and she did die, on Monday. I have screamed, cried, ranted and raved. I also went to P&S and dropped my grief in the questions there. The result is that dozens of other users have rallied around me and held me with their cyber love. To read more about my grieving see my profile and 360.

Marquetta Gimm: Read Thishttp://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ai...

Rena Pepe: Why is this under jokes?I would be deeply saddened. I would offer my help to their family and grieve for the empty space in my heart.Then I would carry on in my life, remebering from time to time how they touched my life or made a positive impact and feel inspired.

Marcia Cheathan: cry with his family, send flowers to them and visit his grave. Also NEVER forget the deed. I'd always remember the sacrifice and owe him my life.

Shaun Rapkowicz: Why do men snore when they are on their backs? Because their b@lls fall over their b*tt holes and creates a v! apor lock.

Emile Okafor: A blonde went to an appliance store sale! and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. ______________________________...A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge an! d yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics. "Crap!" ______________________________...A brunette, a redhead and a blonde went to an ice cream parlor together. The brunette went up and asked for a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The counter man was confused, but gave her a Dr. Pepper float with no ice cream. The redhead went up and asked for a single dip of vanilla ice cream with Pepsi poured over it. The man was really confused now. But he gave the redhead her order. The blonde was listening to the other two women and thought that she should have a ''special order'' too. So she went up and asked for an extra-large root beer, but hold the roots. ______________________________...A young ventriloquist is tour! ing the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a smal! l town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'' The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!'' ______________________________...A blonde walked into a gas station and said to the manager, ''I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick thr! ough the window to unlock the door?'' ''Why sure,'' said the manager, ''we have something that works especially well for that.'' A couple minutes later, the manager walked outside to see how the blonde was doing and he heard another voice. ''No, no! A little to the left,'' said the other blonde inside the car. ______________________________...One day a blonde is sitting on a plane next to one of those annoying, pushy businessmen. He asks her if she would like to play a game. She politely declines, but the man explains the game to her anyway. He says, "It goes like this: I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong you will give me $5, and vice-versa." She says no again, and tries to fall asleep. The man tries harder, saying, "Aw, come on. I'll give you $50 for each question. Or how about $500?" At that number, the blonde agrees. The businessman explains again, "If you get my question wrong you give me $5. And when you ask the question, and I get it wrong, I will pay yo! u $500. "Got it," she replies. He asks, "Who was the sixth president?" ! She admits she doesn't know and gives him $5. Now it's her turn, and she says, "What has purple legs, five arms and only two yellow teeth?" The businessman doesn't know - he uses his laptop, checks the Internet, e-mails his friends. No one knows the answer. So he gives her $500.00. Then, as they're landing he asks her, "What was that thing anyway?" She thinks a few minutes, hands him $5 and walks off the plane.______________________________...A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp. They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie. He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get one wish. The redhead went first. ''I hate it here. It is too hot and boring. I want to go home!'' "Okay,'' replied the genie. And off she went. Then the brunette went. ''I miss my family, my friends and relatives. I want to go home, too!!'' And off she went. The blonde started crying! and said, ''I wish my friends were back here!''______________________________...Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while. Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded, "HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!" ______________________________...Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. "How do I get to the other side?" "Duh! You ARE on the other side!"

Mayola Sylva: From all the answers that I see,To your riddle me this.Everyone says a baby is,The best answer to dis.bad riddle needs a bad poem..now I can giggle.......

Toney Flaten: lol when i asked if u knew any good jokes i w! as kinda hopin u would tell me what they are...hahahaha

Shane Get! ler: cry and feel so bad at first. be very thankful and proud. take care of myself cuz he died so i could live. and be happy in life.

Dionna Doyel: a blonde, brunnette & red head all die and go to heaven. to get to the gates their were 10 steps & at each step, God would tell them a joke, and if they didn't laugh, they could go up a step. but if they did, they would go to hell. so the red head goes first, and laughs at the joke. the brunnette goes next and also laughs at the joke on the first step. finally, the blond goes. she didn't laugh all the way up until the last step. so God asked her, why did you finally laugh when you could have gone to heaven. and she replied, because i just got the first joke.

Kip Ockenfels: An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I! 'm going to jump off this building."The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"The Mexicans wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!________________________________________________A blonde dye! d her hair brown cause she was sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. ! One day, she was driving down a country road when she saw a field full of sheep. She stopped and approached the shepard, "Hey, if I guess how many sheep are in the field, can I have one?" The shepard looked at the field then at her and shrugged his shoulders, "Sure, why not?" So, she promptly popped out, "316." The shepard's mouth dropped open in supprize, "Wow!! That's right go ahead, pick one." So she picked one out and began to stuff it in her car. When she got in and was about to go, the shepard came running up to her, "Miss, if I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"_______________________________________________There was a blonde in a row boat, patiently rowing down a street. Another blonde drove up and got out of her truck. She began screeching angrily and waving her hands about,"What are you doing?" "Rowing," the blonde in the boat coolly replied, humming merrily to herself. "In a street? It's dumb blondes like you who give us bad names," t! he blonde by the car raged, "and if I could swim, I'd swim out there and teach you a thing or two!!!"________________________________________________A Blonde with Earrings:Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?So they have some place to put their feet.747:What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?Not everyone's been in a 747!A Blonde's Brain At Work:A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early."Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time."That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime.""No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."Adjustable Steering W! heels Are Funny:Why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheel! s?Because they like more head room.Atlantic Coast and a Blonde:What's the difference between the Atlantic Coast and a blonde?The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs!!Bimbo Joke:How does a blonde turn the light on after having sex?She kicks the car door open.______________________________________________Blonde - Elmo Factory:Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.The ! manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''Blonde - Mating Call:What is a blonde's mating call?''NEXT!''_______________________________________________Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock. The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She wa! lks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to ! my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'"The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde, she'll read it very slow."

Malcom Fenoff: Oh Baby!!

Lorine Helwick: There are loads of good jokes posted in this section. Just scroll through and you'll find them.

Rodrigo Pezley: i mean if you were in awa! r and your took abullet and he died what will you do?

Rona Espalin: Q. whats the difference between a blond and a mosquito?A. A mosquito stops sucking after U slap it .Q. How Can U tell if a blond is a good cook?A. See if she can take a pop tart out of a toaster in one piece.Q.Did U hear about the blond boy who thought he had a twin?A. He looked in the mirror and saw himself.Q. Why did the blond girl smile during a lightning storm?A. She thought she was getting her picture take.Q. How do U kill a blond?A. Put a scratch sniff sicker on the bottom of the pool.Q. What do U call a blond at a University?A. A visitorQ. What did the blond mom say 2 her blond daughter before her big date?A. If U're not in bed by twelve come home. Q. What did the midget say to the blond prostitute?A. sniff sniff sniff Your hair smells good ( Tuna)Ok I think this is good for now. Most of these are old school lol.

Esmeralda Pigram: a baby, thats easy

Hilton Paiva: I got one!!! ok th! ere was a brunnet, a red head and a blonde. they were trespassing on a ! private farm. The brunnet hid behind a cow, they red head hid behind a goat, and they blonde hid behind an egg. when the farmer walked by the brunnet went MOOOOO, the red head went Baaaahhhhbbaaahhh, and the blonde went "EGG" "EGG" I can't get over how funny that is!!!

Galen Gowers: got any tape? cus im ripped2 dead blondes and one who broke both legs jumping out a window when she comes to they ask her what happend "we just wanted to try our new maxi pads, they have wings!"why do guys like doing it in the mirror? objects may appear larger ;]]How does the man on the moon get his hair cut? Eclipse it! What did the sign on the door of the whorehouse say? Beat it! We're closedA blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button. Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!She continues to do this unt! il a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?"The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. The blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"you can find some really good ones herehttp://jokes.comedycentral.com/joke_of_day.aspx?ad......Show more

Lucien Hellerman: It's either a baby or a puppy

Bettye Arre: Yes I know some!

Tyler Burkman: I barely walki barely talkI like things that shinei sometimes like to whineI never hestitate t! o smile when you smileEverything is so big to me but with time it will ! be smallyou know when i need a napor if i need some foodi like to chew on things you can dress me up or not dress me at all im easy to pleasemost people really love mei like it when people hold me

Tawny Grosskreutz: http://www.neilsaunders.com/index.htmlthere is loads of adult and sick and other types

Brian Marquina: Did you hear the one about the blonde that went to "Jokes & Riddles" & asked for jokes & riddles, instead of reading the jokes & riddles?

Roselee Mczeal: I would probably tell him right before he died "This question shouldnt be in jokes and riddles"

Shena Etulain: Q.Why did the blonde appear to have square breasts?A.She used tissue paper boxes to enhance them.Q . What did the pregnant blonde ask her mother?A . How do I know it`s my baby?

Carlton Lastrapes: why can't blondes make koolaid?because they can't fit 2 quarts of water into that little pack.why did the blond get fired from the m&m factory?for throwing out the w's.what do a! blonde and a turtle have in common?once you get them on their back they're ******.

Marty Tichnell: a baby

Nelly Kikuchi: i need some good blonde jokes!blnde jokes only please unless you have a REALLY good one that you just HAVE to shareif you have more than 1 fire away!may the best joke win! :-)

Mee Blumenfeld: I'd cry like a baby, call his wife, and fly out to visit his grave.-In Memory of Adam Estep.-

Marya Fehn: If a friend was about to die, I'd swoop in and ask? Hey dude, are you ready to die?" and if he says "you bet!" I'd say, "good riddance!" But if my friend says, "No, no way! Why?" I'd say, "Because that bullet is looking for you!" and my friend would yell to me, "Help!" I'd then quickly push him aside and let the stray bullet attend to its own destiny.

Dionna Doyel: Yes, I do.

Toshiko Reimers: three blondes walk into a bar.you'd think one of them woul've seen it